you wish you can feel good about yourself always.
no more doubts.
no more fear and insecurity.
no more unpleasant thoughts.
no more diets.
no more standing in front of the mirror naked and seeing nothing but flab and more flab on bad days.
you want to see yourself and be happy with who you were, who you are, and who you will be.
you do not know when this goal will be realized.
you even think this is probably a stupid goal anyway.
you do not know how to be comfortable with who you are.
but you keep telling yourself: “One day! One day, I will be.”
you are your own biggest critic and are trying to be easier on yourself.
you want to be happy with yourself, meaning be satisfied with who you are and not try to change yourself and all that. sometimes, you think you do this really well, when you recognize things that are unique about you that are kind of cool, that the world would be a lesser place without. other times, you are down on yourself for the things you see as flaws.
you wonder how many of us are unhapy with ourselves because:
1) we think we have messed up big time
2) we are always comparing ourselves to others
3) we are in the aftermath of a relationship gone wrong
for some reason you think a lot of our being unhappy with ourselves has to do with that last one. the relationship thing. which makes you wonder if maybe some of us were in a relationship in large part for the affirmation that someone else can give us.
all we want is happiness.
all you want is happiness.
and yes, rejection does not mean you are bad
you do not want to die each time you get rejected.
you do not even know where to start.
you hope that you have not lost your identity. you have sacrificed so much for others and you never seem to be the one to do something for yourself. does that make sense? you want to get busy and do things. to truly live. you want to start. you want that “Ah-Ha!” moment where you discover the truth and realize your purpose and start planning on how to achieve it.
but, when will that ever happen?
you finally accepted yourself for the imperfect, but perfectly acceptable person you are.
and you love yourself — every stretch mark, every bad hair day, your crazy family.
you love the fact that there is no pressure to have to put on a mask and to pretend to be happy when you are not.
it is all about believing in yourself.
you are with yourself completley and if you are in doubt, you always tell that doubt to shut up because it is not real!
you are fabulous!
and not really be lying when you say it or tell people that you are.
you guess that is the balance.
you do not want to be one of those people who are smug and think their opinion is the best and only one. you would like to be confident in yourself and your opinions, and not second guess yourself so much.
you would d like to be able to have the strength of your convictions, to learn that your opinion is just as important as everyone else’s, to do something and think you have done well because you think you have done well, not because someone else has told you (that you have done good).
it would start with understanding what makes you happy, and not what makes “other” people happy.
enough waiting; you WANT to live.
you want to start enjoying the journey and stop waiting for each destination.
happiness is learning to accept.
once you realize what is important and what is not, which problems are life-shattering and which are correctable, and perhaps most importantly, knowing that worrying does not fix a darn thing — there is a freeing feeling, a lightness. it is not about ignoring things, not about being oblivious, not about pretending everything is perfect. it is about acceptance and picking battles and feeling great about who you are and where you are going.
as you imagine the possibilities for the blank sheet of paper that is your life at this time, you are becoming happier every day. every moment.
finding your sense of purpose – or really, rediscovering it is key to this.
you having been an uber achiever (sometimes you do not even believe the things that you have accomplished) makes this whole process even harder.
Sports Editor, Marketing Director, DJ, President of a Non-Profit, Church Elder, Staff Writer, National Sales Manager, on and on it goes.
being in positions where you had people reporting to you, and others pointing out your accomplishments, and even when work was more about work than accolades, there was being recognized as Elite Status by the airline which made business travel a real treat, and all the stuff that goes along with it.
there were expectations put on you by the organizations in which you participated. even if some of it was keeping up appearances, you did have a sense of purpose.
THAT is what will make you happy – a sense of purpose.
the thing about being happy is to be around people who are happy, too. and if you are not around people who are happy, then you can help each other become happy. being happy is not just you being happy. but it is the people around you and the people you love who are happy with you.
being happy is not about having more things. get that.
it is a state of mind.
being happy is having a good sense of pride in yourself.
that you are happy being yourself.
life is too short! be here right now!
when we are all too old to go out and enjoy life, we will look back and think to ourselves: “i wish i made the most of life when i was younger” and you will regret you did not do all the things you could be doing now instead of feeling down. so chin up! you only have one life to live. and it is up to you how you spend your life. be happy with yourself!
you think you should be happy with yourself, because if you are not happy with yourself how can you be with others?
be who you are.
believe in yourself.
enjoy the sun, the rain, the little things.
think of colorful things.
give love, speak gently, love much, laugh often.
they say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world. someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.
you have learned that God has blessed you and that every aspect of yourself is beautiful in His eyes, and you flaunt it because He made it just for you.
just as you are.
you may think that total happiness should be impossible.
but something happened yesterday. yesterday was your 29th birthday, and lying in bed, you thought a lot about death and what you would feel if you closed your eyes and never got to see your 29th year.
surprisingly, you felt you would be happy.
you have found love, companionship; you are appreciated and respected by those around you; you have found what you consider your calling and you have made positive progress in reaching it.
you are on the right path, in the right direction.
you are happy.
of course, you did not and do not want to die. as you went through a pretty plain and uneventful day, however, everything seemed to be right. not perfect, nor even ideal, but just the way it was.
in the time that you have been missing from writing, you have been doing a lot of reading and thinking. one thing that came from all this is that you think happiness actually has two meanings — mostly because we have used the word incorrectly.
in one sense, it means the opposite of sadness. we want to be happy so that we are not blue. on the other hand, happiness means peacefulness, harmony, and pleasant mindfulness of our being. this is the definition you and i think most people here are searching for.
but they are not synonymous. in fact, the first definition is inextricably tied to the things we dislike; we cannot be truly happy but that we experience sadness, and sadness itself is the thing that makes us want happiness. you cannot remove one without removing both.
here is where many may object: “Are you saying that we shouldn’t strive for happiness?” they would say. in a sense, yes. stop striving for things that will bring you a temporary “up” and force you to burn your energies in the impossible task of maintaining that high. this is akin to the addiction cycle of substance abusers; you are abusing happiness and it will only hurt you in the long run.
there is a bigger story.
we are in a bigger story.
instead, recognize and accept that you live as an imperfect person in an imperfect situation of an imperfect world. this guarantees your awareness that there will be things that are of varying degrees of good and bad in your life. rather than being influenced by them, exert influence: accept their existence and your commitment to improving all things. learn to be at peace when things are gloomy and no one can take your joy when things are pleasant. the secret is that your true happiness comes from within, from the conquering of every moment by the will within your heart.
“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” -Viktor E. Frankl.
that is how the professor of neurology and psychiatry has succinctly summed up on happiness. he goes on to say: “A human being is not one in pursuit of happiness but rather in search of a reason to become happy, last but not least, through actualizing the potential meaning inherent and dormant in a given situation.”
originally written/posted 20080425